My internet connection has been insanely slow since last week, and I'm really REALLY having a hard time with it, it affects almost everything I do that involves my laptop, and its extremely frustrating. I've been complaining about it over tumblr, just forms of vent.
It usually takes me 1-2 hours to scroll down one day of dashboard posts but now it takes 3-5 hours, because loading videos and images takes forever, and its eating up my useful time, sometimes it makes want to quit blogging.
And now that I have an upcoming item I'm planning to submit by satruday, I CAN'T! because I have this TF2 download that started when I tried the steampipe and now its downloading 6.4gb of data and my download rate won't even go higher than 50kb/s. And with the game on hold, I can't even test the item in game NOR compile it to be a mod.
I have the command prompt open up where you type in "ping -t google.com" to check your latency, my ping would range from 300ms to 4000ms
Its like a crisis, an apocalypse. I've depended most of my time, emotion, effort, skill development and exposure on the internet, if it wasn't for the internet, I would have not been able to go this far, I would have not learned things my professors in college couldn't teach me, I won't have good friends and loving supporters, I would have not experience the best things that you won't encounter in real life. The internet is the best thing that happened to me, and now that its crippled, I don't know what to do anymore, blaming anyone won't do. I've already told my dad about the problem with the connection but he just said things that we can try and fix it ourselves, he didn't consider calling the internet provider because THEY said that after 1 year of service, the speed of our connection will be slowed down on purpose, THAT'S JUST GREAT! Might as well find another ISP, but that would cost money, more than our monthly bills.
Its like the universe is ganging up on me and saying that I should get a REAL job and not make virtual items for a game that kills other players while wearing hats.
"Doing these things won't get you anywhere" a sentence that has been intruding my mind for the past days.
My relatives are also convincing(pressuring on my end) me to get back to studying, and graduate so I can have a diploma or degree, because of all of us 3 children of our parents, I'm the only one stopped going to school because of financial problems, I'm the only one won't be able to get a degree, for them, its a big deal, for me, I don't care, I'd be more happy if I'd get a job without having a degree just because of my skills alone (or my folio) will get me a job, I want to prove them that even someone who didn't graduate, they can still be successful.
Yeah, I know there's a lot of inspirational people who didn't finish college nor high school but now they are very known and even make millions or billions. Its very inspiring but, I've noticed that most of these examples are men, no, actually, all of these examples I've seen are men, which kinda demotivates me since I'm a girl, and it makes me doubt that I'm gonna have a chance. I'm sure there're also a lot of successful women who didn't finish their studies, I just wish I know who they are.
Everything seems to be corroding down hill for me, I'm trying to climb up, yet the ground beneath me keeps crumbling and pulling me lower, I've been in the same spot for the past weeks, or even months, but even in this situation, I still keep doing what I love, yet it also makes me feel useless.
Well, everyone has their ups and downs, nothing is permanent, I'll just have to wait until things go back up again, i'll do something if I have to.