[link]

its a screencap of one of the thread posts in tf2chan, the thread was overwhelming of disappointed ppl about the update, and then I saw this little gem and wow, it sure lifted my spirits up ;u;

yea what the title said

so the long awaited TF2 update is out [link]

and Ive been waiting and fan girling over this for the past months, and now that it came out, I can't fucking wait to check all of the new neat stuff

AND THEN SUDDENLY, INTERNET SHITS ON YOU, ITS SO FUCKING SLOW, IT TAKES FOREVER TO LOAD A FUCKING COMIC PAGE THAT WAS MOSTLY WRITTEN BY A FRIEND, AND YOU JUST HOLD ALL OF YOUR SHIT FOR THIS MOMENT, AND YOU WANT TO EXPLODE AND SCREAM AT SOMEONE

nothing's more painful than getting restrained from something you always wanted (well at least for me)

i also have a little doodle to go with it [link]

I have this silly little fan fic idea that I've thought of a month ago, about demoman selling his soul a valuable hat to a witch doctor in exchange of filling up his missing eye (he was kinda forced actually, got pressured about his teammate's and enemies' pointing out how bad he as and they were blaming him for having one eye). When the deal was sealed, he comes back with chin up and proud that he is "complete", everything went better afterwards, he was now credit to team, but later on, shit starts to go down, he starts to see things with his new eye that he does not want to see…

Its better if this story was written or drawn, with more details and drama, but yea, I'm really tempted to start this, if anyone's interested and if I can manage to run another fan fic along with my 2 current fics =A=, but I guess there's less chance that the first page of this will be out within the next months since I will be starting college again

Its just

everyone is expected to be good or maybe even better at MVM and I always feel like I'm the reason why the team loses a wave

I only know how to play good at engie but I'm not good enough

I know how to play scout but I'm not confident enough to be one in Mann up and my ping is always shitting on me

and I really want to learn the other classes as well

Most of you are watching me for the art, but some of you would show consideration other than faving my art and commenting on them, like when I'm having a tough time, I really appreciate your advice and concern

Thank you

our internet connection is back to normal, miraculously

idk what happened, I'm just glad its back and I just hope it doesn't do shit like that again

My internet connection has been insanely slow since last week, and I'm really REALLY having a hard time with it, it affects almost everything I do that involves my laptop, and its extremely frustrating. I've been complaining about it over tumblr, just forms of vent.

It usually takes me 1-2 hours to scroll down one day of dashboard posts but now it takes 3-5 hours, because loading videos and images takes forever, and its eating up my useful time, sometimes it makes want to quit blogging.

And now that I have an upcoming item I'm planning to submit by satruday, I CAN'T! because I have this TF2 download that started when I tried the steampipe and now its downloading 6.4gb of data and my download rate won't even go higher than 50kb/s. And with the game on hold, I can't even test the item in game NOR compile it to be a mod.

I have the command prompt open up where you type in "ping -t google.com" to check your latency, my ping would range from 300ms to 4000ms

Its like a crisis, an apocalypse. I've depended most of my time, emotion, effort, skill development and exposure on the internet, if it wasn't for the internet, I would have not been able to go this far, I would have not learned things my professors in college couldn't teach me, I won't have good friends and loving supporters, I would have not experience the best things that you won't encounter in real life. The internet is the best thing that happened to me, and now that its crippled, I don't know what to do anymore, blaming anyone won't do. I've already told my dad about the problem with the connection but he just said things that we can try and fix it ourselves, he didn't consider calling the internet provider because THEY said that after 1 year of service, the speed of our connection will be slowed down on purpose, THAT'S JUST GREAT! Might as well find another ISP, but that would cost money, more than our monthly bills.

Its like the universe is ganging up on me and saying that I should get a REAL job and not make virtual items for a game that kills other players while wearing hats.

"Doing these things won't get you anywhere" a sentence that has been intruding my mind for the past days.

My relatives are also convincing(pressuring on my end) me to get back to studying, and graduate so I can have a diploma or degree, because of all of us 3 children of our parents, I'm the only one stopped going to school because of financial problems, I'm the only one won't be able to get a degree, for them, its a big deal, for me, I don't care, I'd be more happy if I'd get a job without having a degree just because of my skills alone (or my folio) will get me a job, I want to prove them that even someone who didn't graduate, they can still be successful.

Yeah, I know there's a lot of inspirational people who didn't finish college nor high school but now they are very known and even make millions or billions. Its very inspiring but, I've noticed that most of these examples are men,  no, actually, all of these examples I've seen are men, which kinda demotivates me since I'm a girl, and it makes me doubt that I'm gonna have a chance. I'm sure there're also a lot of successful women who didn't finish their studies, I just wish I know who they are.

Everything seems to be corroding down hill for me, I'm trying to climb up, yet the ground beneath me keeps crumbling and pulling me lower, I've been in the same spot for the past weeks, or even months, but even in this situation, I still keep doing what I love, yet it also makes me feel useless.

Well, everyone has their ups and downs, nothing is permanent, I'll just have to wait until things go back up again, i'll do something if I have to.

That moment when you just posted a work of yours that you are proud of and the first feedback you get totally demotivates you

Just like that time I submitted the Dam Destroyer in the workshop and the first comment says that "it looks like an existing submission"

and you just backfire everything, flush yourself down the abyss, and hides in the endless void of shame

I've been asked about a month ago why I overreact whenever I see or realize that an idea of mine has already been made, specially at the time I was making items, I get a shitload of nervous whenever people say that it reminds them of something or someone, or for worse, accuse me of stealing, I just can't handle the hate they're gonna throw at me, unless I steal something on purpose(in terms of art and ideas), which I will never do

I decided to refresh my gallery yesterday by sorting the folders by deleting most of the folders and by putting them again in the right places

its a regret because I have too much deviations

I've already gone through almost half of it

a lot of people say they like it, and some say that I should never change it

but I will

edit: I'm also thinking of sticking with one pen name, but I'm gonna have to wait until July 12 until I can change my username to Py-Bun

[link]

more details here [link]

how much I love OFF

I don't usually make decent art about off, mostly doodles and comics, and i dont post those kind of pieces here, go check out my OFF tag in tumblr [link]

enjoy

and also, if you havent played the game, there will be spoilers in those pages

edit: if you want to play it, you can get it here [link]

someone asked me if I take workshop item commissions, like, making the model>texture>mod hexing> and putting them up on the workshop

but I won't be negotiating if someone tells me "If the item gets accepted, then that is my payment" *laughs into eternity*

I'm trying to find other ways to earn money not just through drawing

is anyone interested?

I don't know where to go anymore, or maybe I'll just go back and forth

There are things on devianart that makes me want to go to tumblr and there are things on tumblr that makes me want to go back to this site

I've come to point of my internet life that people hate me for no specific reason

oh well

more explanation over here [link]

that reminds me why I'm not active at deviantart compared to being at tumblr

<sub>some people just makes me feel bad being here, or just really pisses me off, and if you tell me "why would someone hate you?", its not just that, i just don't like the attitude of some

people over tumblr are nicer, no offense</sub>

Its an indie game and I've played it and just finished it today, oh man, it was great

download from here [link]

I'm kinda into it recently, well, that's what my blog shows

anyways, it was worth the time and I'm wanting to play it again, and when I want to play a game for another round, it means its a great game

How is a person supposed to get better if they quit?

if they stopped and quit trying

how do you expect to get better? huh?

Just because a person or a lot of people is better than you, that doesn't mean you will quit, I mean, they're not telling you to quit, and some of them will even try to help you get better!

If you feel demotivated because of jealousy of the skills of other people, don't just curl up in a ball forever, yea you can cry for a moment but you must stand and show them what you got

"I'LL SHOW THIS SHITLORD THAT I CAN DO BETTER!" -internally

Take it as a challenge.

Don't you want to be happy? Do you like telling people that you are hopeless and then you will feel sad and the people you talked to will feel sad too?

How about:

"You are inspiring and it makes me want to do better!"

Doesn't that sound better? It doesn't just make the person you're telling to, feel better, but it specially makes you feel better as well!

Art is no competition, I looked up the definition of the word and there's no sense nor speck of definition about doing better than everyone else.

Art is expressing yourself, Art is creation, you make Art because you love Art. And if you suck at something and it makes you feel bad, find another thing that will make you feel good about yourself, that will make you proud. What's important is that you're happy.

and if you come to me saying "But its so hard!", stop. Nothing is easy in life, if there are, its not always easy, there's always a hard part, an unexpected hardship, but getting through those hardship is what makes the most of us, its like a test, if you fail, its either never to take the test again or study and retake as many times it would take you to ace it, and if you pass it, its not just having an achievement that you passed it, you also learned and you can apply your newly learned things, while on the other hand, if you give up on the test, nothing will rise from there, maybe you can do a special project or take an alternate test, just keep moving forward.

If a huge obstacle suddenly pops out of nowhere in front of you, don't just stand and start crying because you can't go through it, find a way around it!